Last week, I watched a Sneak Preview of 500 Days of Summer. "An offbeat romantic comedy about a woman who doesn't believe true love exists, and the young man who falls for her." Have you ever noticed, that when you have something on your mind that you just can't shake, that everything else that comes your way somehow suddenly applies to it? Or how if you're wanting to buy a banana yellow 1981 Honda Passport, all of the sudden you start seeing banana yellow scooters everywhere you go? I mean, the scooters were probably always there, but you must just start noticing them because they're in the forefront of your mind, now?
500 Days may be about a relationship and it's ups and downs, but it reminded me a lot about my previous career moves and where I'm at in my life, professionally speaking. Trying to figure out where I went right and where I went incredibly wrong, may be a waste of time to some, but it's where I'm at right now. The lost battles, the highs and lows, the raises and rejections, are not unlike that of love, or at least the search for love. When we grow up, we all want to be loved, right? Hoping for a family and a career? Well that's always been on my mind, and I've tried to take all of the right roads and follow all of the right paths to get there. And although I've been very lucky in love and feel very confident that I've found the 'one', my career path seems to still be unclear and it's like this annoying itch that I just can't scratch.
Each and every job I applied for had its own purpose, its own home nestled in my humble professional timeline to the top. Though my idea of the 'top' was perpetually clouded by the endless list of my hobbies, interests, and passions. I knew I wanted to be a designer. I just didn't know what kind of designer, still don't know.
Much like the 'Tom Hansen' character in the movie, Summer's boyfriend, I've always sort of been a hopeless romantic. Which is completely applicable to the jobs I've sought out. "You say you only need me to be an 8 hour a week part-time employee doing sales at an overcrowded mall with a high rate of shoplifters, a dark and low security parking lot, and no room for growth, for minimum wage, but you need me to purchase and wear the most expensive designer dresses as to sell the current line to customers? Yes, please! Where do I sign up?" It's as if what is being told to me, no matter how terrible and unrealistic, goes into one of my ears in all its truth and lackluster, and comes out the other side in the voice of Glenda the Good Witch with sugar plum fairies dancing beside me and covering me in glitter (though the kind that will wash off, because in fantasies, you can create anything, right?).
I've just realized that I'm like those horses with blinders on. Except that they see what's really there, they just can only see what's in front of them and not on the sides. I, on the other hand, choose to see something completely different altogether and sugar-coated until it bites me in the ass and then I'm forced to see what's really there. It's one of my lovely, desirable traits, don't you think?
While I'm rambling about things that bite me in the ass, let me get back to 'the list':
Betsey Johnson Retail (See the previous rant about the over-crowded shopping mall... The one designer that I truly idolized until this experience. I worked one 4 hour shift, I believe, before I couldn't take it anymore and prematurely quit. After trying for this position for months, showing my fashion sketches to each Store Manager, as if my sheer illustration talent was grounds for hiring me for a part-time Sales position. But, it worked. And then, I quit.)
A Vintage Boutique (I thought that by merchandising all of the cotton and polyester dresses by time period, working solo in a high crime downtown neighborhood until 2 in the morning on weekends, and giving outstanding customer service would some how get me to the top. Well, it did. And a couple of years later, I found the 'top' to be a dusty vintage warehouse in Southern California with one sewing machine and a hell of a lot of low pay work to do in a short amount of time. That's a whole other story.)
*And on that note, I'm going to buy myself a chocolate milkshake. See you soon.*